


When I Grow Up

by escribo



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-24
Updated: 2012-12-24
Packaged: 2017-11-22 07:07:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/607162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/escribo/pseuds/escribo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Mischief Managed prompt #27 (Either a potions accident or a prank gone wrong leave Remus de-aged. Things are adorable until the full moon approaches...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	When I Grow Up

**Author's Note:**

> Child rearing advice from the very admirable if _slightly_ outdated _Mrs. Beeton's Book of Household Management_

**On the day that it happened...**

The Potions lab was in complete chaos. One cauldron had exploded spectacularly, covering everything and everyone in a bright orange sludge, and two tiny boys sat in the middle of it all. Sirius, his ears still ringing from the blast, huddled behind one of the long tables that had been overturned. His belly ached from laughing at the look of surprise on James' face, his glasses coated in the muck, and Sirius would have accused him of the deed if he could have managed to get the words out. He blamed that for not noticing Remus first. Giving it thought later, he wasn't sure he would have recognized Remus at all, actually.

"Potter and Black!" Slughorn quivered with anger, his own bottle green robes splotched and splattered, and he likely wouldn't have noticed the change in Remus at all had Severus, Remus' unlikely and unlucky Potions partner for that day, not begun to wail, his hands clutched into fists. Sirius was _positive_ it was Severus, the sound nasal and stuttering, building with rage at the world and imbued with all the righteous indignation he could muster. 

Sirius peeked around the edge of the table, for this was too good to miss--Severus crying, there was no other word for it, over a spilt potion. He even thought it was likely that Severus' cauldron had cracked as well, which would truly cause Severus to go mental. He opened his mouth to tell James to clean off his glasses and look, when he stopped, his jaw dropping nearly as low as Slughorn's had.

It was Remus and Severus, Sirius was _sure_ , but they were quite transformed. Both were nearly swallowed whole in their school uniforms, and the nasty bit of Sirius' brain couldn't help but comment on how it was probably the first time Severus' had ever fit him near properly. Severus' face was beet red and streaked with tears, his fists jammed into his eyes as he continued to howl, and next to him sat Remus, at least a tiny, miniature version of him. He was all curls and big brown eyes, his cheeks pink as he looked around the room and then again at Severus before he plunked his thumb into his mouth. Sirius rose to his feet slowly, unable to take his eyes from Remus.

"What have you done?" James asked as he picked himself up off the floor and began to clean his glasses on his shirt tail. The calm in his voice was a bit distracting, actually, considering the bedlam surrounding them, what with the girls shouting about their robes and their _hair_ and the boys slinging the stuff at each other. James replaced his glasses and squatted down in front of the boys. "Did you replace their knotgrass with tomberweed? I suspect that would account for the explosion, maybe."

"I haven't done anything," Sirius automatically protested and in an outraged tone, the words formed and out before he could think about them.

"Well, then what happened to them?" James reached out to pull Remus' thumb from his mouth as Severus tipped himself backward, shrieking as he kicked his little feet in his robes as his tantrum gathered steam.

Sirius didn't get the chance to answer, though it would have only been more protests against his presumed guilt, because at that moment the door to the lab slammed open and Professor McGonagall herself was standing there, Lily panting behind her as if she'd run the whole way.

"Silence!" Professor McGonagall thundered and everyone stopped, including Severus. "Horace? What's happened here?"

"Oh, Minerva," Professor Slughorn said. He sagged a bit in relief at the sight of her and edged around the room, avoiding the worst of the growing lake of orange goo. The stuff seemed to be bubbling up from the remains of the cauldron as if from some great well. "So good of you. Yes, yes. Well as you can see."

Professor McGonagall looked around the room as the Potions Master spread his hands in a kind of helpless gesture, until they all sort of landed once more on the two small boys in the middle of it all. Severus lay on his back, a lull in his tantrum as he considered this interloper. Remus, calm as ever, popped his thumb back into his mouth.

"I do see, Horace. Is that Remus Lupin and Severus Snape?"

"Yes, I believe so. Of course, we'll have to put the question to them to make sure, but I believe everyone else is accounted for. Let's see. Miss Evans is, ah, present, of course. And Potter and Black as you can see. Mark my words; they'll have had their hands in this to be sure."

"Hey!" Sirius puffed up, quite indignant now, though not up to one of his more eloquent denials. That was the second time he'd been accused of blowing up the potions lab. James' point that replacing the knotgrass would have sparked the explosion at the very least was right, he knew, but the transformation? Had he known how to manage that, he'd have done it to Snape ages ago and left Remus out of it. It was inconvenient that Remus should be quite so...short. Or young. Or whatever it was that he was. It quite ruined their plans for the evening.

"Quiet, Mr. Black. Miss Evans, if you would please run for Madame Pomfrey. Mr. Potter, if you could make sure everyone else is accounted for and then send them back to their houses. How did this happen, Horace?"

"I'm sure I don't quite know, Minerva. We're brewing household potions this month, a specialty of mine, as you know, and quite useful as well--one of my most popular lessons, I can assure you."

"Yes, Horace, I don't doubt that. What was today's lesson, if I might ask?"

"It's a bit similar to Madame Perenelle's Anti-Aging Potion for Mature Ladies, a formula that I learned from that great lady herself, though she was loath to part with it. Do you know it, Minerva?" Slughorn asked. 

"I most certainly do not, Horace."

"Oh, I didn't mean to imply--"

"Never mind. Clearly, I understand the concept." Professor McGonagall sighed and gestured to the boys again. "How did the boys come to be in their present state?"

"I'll need to analyze the remains of their cauldron to be sure, of course, but I suspect one of them misidentified the knotgrass for tomberweed. Easy to do, of course, though where they got the tomberweed from, I'm not sure. Highly unstable stuff, and I don't like keeping it in the stores, though it has its uses of course. I've not seen a case quite this extreme before. I suspect the two boys simply took the brunt of the stuff."

Sirius firmly refused to look at James though James stood at his side nudging him with his elbow and clearing his throat in a highly improbable way before Professor McGonagall finally sent him scurrying from the room with one look. 

"Yes, well," Professor Slughorn continued. "The good news is that the effects should wear off in a few days. A week at the most, I should think, and they should return to their normal ages with no harm done."

"A week? Is there no counter-agent?"

"I'm afraid not. As you can imagine, my dear, there aren't many galleons to be had in that direction." Professor Slughorn smiled pleasantly, his thumbs hooked into his lapels as if that settled the matter. 

"And what do you suggest we do until then. We can't have toddlers wandering about the castle. They'll have to be sent home."

"Remus doesn't have a home to go to," Sirius said, appalled on Remus' behalf. "It's only just his great aunt and she hates having him about, and he hates going. He swore he wouldn't go back once he turned seventeen."

"Mr. Black, what are you doing still doing here? I thought I told everyone to go back to their houses."

"Please professor. If it's only for a week, we'll take care of him."

"We, Mr. Black? I can hardly believe you can mean yourself and Mr. Potter."

As they watched, Remus toddled over to them, tripping over his too long robe, his thumb still stuck firmly into his mouth, though he was grinning around it. Professor McGonagall raised her wand and transformed Remus' clothing into something more suitable, and Remus, surprised to suddenly find himself in dungarees and a jumper stopped in his tracks, teetering on wobbly legs. He giggled when Severus' clothes were likewise transfigured and stood up on his toes to reach for the professor's wand. He was quite startled when Severus pushed him down for laughing, both boys bursting into tears this time, Severus when Professor McGonagall sharply reprimanded him.

"There's a lad," Professor Slughorn said. He pulled a sweet from his pocket and offered it to Severus, who took it and shoved it into his mouth. Slughorn patted Severus' head and rocked back and forth on his heels. "See? They'll be no trouble, Minerva. No trouble at all, of course."

"Are you volunteering, then, Horace, to care for the boys?"

"Me?"

Sirius ignored the professors as they continued to bicker, and knelt next to Remus, who was still snuffling, tears clinging to his eyelashes and threatening to spill over. "Look here, Remus."

Sirius took his robes off and balled them up, used his wand to transform them into a stuffed dog. Remus gasped before laughing gaily and clapping his hands. He took the dog from Sirius and hugged it to himself, declaring, "Doggie! Doggie, doggie!"

"I don't see what the harm could be, Minerva. It'll be good for the lads, I suspect," Professor Slughorn said. "Besides, it's likely the whole situation will be resolved before we could make the arrangements. Their guardians may not even need to know."

"I suppose Poppy could manage Severus, at least until the Headmaster returns."

"Yes, that's it precisely."

"And Remus?" Sirius asked.

"I suppose our Head Boy can mind Remus for tonight, eh Minerva?"

"James? Then I can take him upstairs?"

"You may, Mr. Black, but understand that while Mr. Lupin is in his present state, he must be looked after scrupulously. No pranks. No risking his safety for a laugh."

"No, professor. I wouldn't do that." Sirius picked Remus up into his arms and straightened his jumper, choosing to miss completely the look Professor McGonagall treated him to. He turned to leave quickly before Professor McGonagall could change her mind and nearly made it to the door before she called him back.

"I'll expect you at eight tonight to serve your detention, Mr. Black."

"Detention?"

"Detention. I think it likely as not you were involved in this."

"I wasn't!"

"And even if that's true, I'm sure you've earned it at some point today."

**That night...**

" _The infantine management of children, like the mother's love for her offspring, seems to be born with the child, and to be a direct intelligence of Nature._ That's no help. Are you sure there wasn't anything more helpful in the library, Wormtail?"

"No, and I'm not going back. You should have seen the look Madame Pince gave me."

" _Nature is unquestionably the best nurse,_ " Sirius continued to read as James leaned over his shoulder. " _Art makes so admirable a foster-mother, that no sensible woman, in her novitiate of parent, would refuse the admonitions of art to consummate her duties of nurse._ Admonitions of art? What do you suppose they mean by that?"

James took the book from Sirius' hands and flipped through, stopping at intervals to read before he tossed it back to Peter. "We don't need a book. It'll be easy."

"Easy?" Peter scratched the side of his nose, clearly uncomfortable to be admitting any sort of doubt in James' ability but for one Sirius had to agree with him.

"Of course. It's just Remus. How much trouble could he cause?" They both looked over to where Remus sat on his bed, a biscuit in one hand that he kept pretending to share with the stuffed dog Sirius had conjured for him. He was also talking to it quietly, his lisping, lilting voice barely audible, and nodding his head in some response only he could imagine. James smiled in such a fond, paternal sort of way that it gave Sirius a rather terrifying flash of both their futures, and he shivered delicately.

"You and Peter'll have to manage him yourself tonight," he said, suddenly keen for his detention and rather grateful to McGonagall's foresight. "I've got detention."

"I can't believe McGonagall didn't believe you had nothing to do with this."

"I can't believe she thought you didn't."

**Even later that night...**

It turned out that one small boy could, as it turned out, cause a lot of trouble. James was nearly asleep--exhausted from carrying a giggling Remus up and down the stairs of Gryffindor Tower and around the common room on his hands and knees as a pony--when he felt the tug of a tiny hand on his covers.

"Go back to bed, Remus," he mumbled. He could hear Peter whiffling in his sleep and the crackling of the coals burning in the stove. The tugging stopped for a moment and James listened for the sound of bare feet on the floor and when it didn't come, he looked over the side of the bed. He could just make out a blurry Remus-like shape in the scant light, his eyes opened wide as he clutched his stuffed dog.

"Sir'us?"

"He got in trouble," James whispered. He reached for his glasses, feeling along his bedside table amongst his books and quills and a sheaf of parchments that fell to the floor when he touched them.

"Trouble?"

"He'll be back soon."

Remus nodded solemnly. "'s dark." 

"You're not afraid. You never have been before."

"Dark."

The stuffed dog came first, its button eyes clacking against James' glasses, and then Remus pulled himself up hand over hand onto the bed, and laid down. He put his hand on James' shoulder as they faced one another, the stuffed dog safely back in his arms. "Story," he whispered.

"Can't. We'll wake Peter. Besides, I don't know any."

"Do."

"Now that sounds like our Remus." They were quiet for a while but Remus showed no sign of going to sleep. James wondered if maybe he should sing a lullaby or something, since he really couldn't think of any stories. He could almost remember the words from one his mum used to sing when he was young. He looked back down at Remus and saw that Remus was still watching him with big eyes. "Are you inside there, Remus? Do you remember anything?"

For a moment, James and Remus stared at one another, while James held his breath until Remus finally whispered, "I don't like the dark."

James sighed. "It's okay. I'm here."

Remus curled up against James side, his head pillowed on James' shoulder and his stuff dog firmly in his arms, and went to sleep while James lay awake in the dark. It wasn't too much longer before Sirius came in smelling of silver polish and cursing quietly when he stubbed his toe on the stove.

"Quiet," James whispered. "I'll beat you if you wake him."

"Do you want me to put him to bed?"

"Yeah. He was asking for you." James sat up after Sirius picked Remus up, and watched as he deposited Remus into his own bed. "Did you just kiss him on the forehead?"

"Shut it, James. I wasn't the one having a cuddle."

**Thursday afternoon...**

It wasn't more than three days spent minding Remus that Sirius felt himself quite responsible over him, more than even James. Sirius was sure that it was just because he was such a tiny creature now and had a habit of making his deep brown eyes appear even larger than usual when he wanted something, usually a biscuit. He also turned most frequently to Sirius to be comforted or for a game, laughing gaily when Sirius would tip him upside down and hold him by his feet. This was where Sirius' thoughts were as he returned from class. Mostly, he was unaccustomed to having a sense of responsibility, never having had any before. He almost didn't recognize it but knew something must be up when he practically ran back up to the Tower, the urgent need to make sure Remus was alright upon him. The strange pounding in his heart nearly doubled when he burst through the portrait and saw James but no Remus.

"What are you doing?" Sirius looked beneath the table and then to the deep couches nearer the fire, a favorite hiding spot even when Remus was his normal age, but there was no sign of him except a half-eaten biscuit abandoned on the floor. Sirius could barely spare a glance to where Evans sat smirking at him in his haste to take James by his collar and give him a little shake. "Where's Remus?"

"Calm down. Peter's minding him."

"Peter's lost track of three frogs, every glove he's ever owned, and his owl hasn't been seen for more than a month, which is saying something considering the owl has a mind of its own." Sirius looked around the room, a bit frantic until he spotted them in a corner surrounded by girls. "You were meant to watch him. I left you in charge."

"Sirius--"

"Don't 'Sirius' me. You know what McGonagall said."

"I don't actually. I wasn't there when you volunteered us to keep him."

"You'd have rather sent him back to his aunt?"

"No, of course not. I didn't mean that." James stood and moved Sirius back several paces with his hand to Sirius' elbow before he raised it to the back of his own head to ruffle his hair. "It's just that... You seem a little..."

"A little what?"

"Ehm... Intense."

"Yes, well," Sirius stuttered, and then said it again since he couldn't seem to think of anything else. He turned away from James, leaving him to Evans, and went to pluck up Remus as he charged around in a large circle about the couch where Peter sat with a girl on each side of him.

"C'mon Sirius. Give him back to me."

"No."

"I was minding him," Peter protested, tripping a bit over Dorcas Meadowes' shoes as he followed Sirius. "He was happy enough."

"You're not going to use him to get dates. You know he'd hate that."

"James said--"

"C'mon Remus," Sirius said, lifting Remus above his head and laughing along when Remus shouted and squealed in delight. He ignored Peter and certainly had no interest in whatever James had to say on the matter. He'd noticed Evans smiling with a bit more _fondness_ in James' direction when only last week she'd ranted in front of the entire common room about how irresponsible James was, how inconsiderate and selfish. "Let's put on your shoes, Remus."

"I can do it."

"Of course you can do it."

"Can we go outside?"

"If you'd like."

"And Doggie?"

"And Doggie. Where have you put him?"

"Sirius, c'mon. Be reasonable," James said when Peter'd come back dragging him along. "Lily thinks it's wonderful how we're minding Remus in his present condition."

"Lily thinks?"

"She thinks it shows real maturity."

Sirius knelt onto the floor next to Remus when he came back from finding his stuffed dog. He tied first one shoe and then the other before he picked Remus back up as he stood to face James, still furious. "He's a child, James, not an animated pick-up line."

"Do you even hear yourself? I swear to Merlin--if you tell me you think you'd make a good father one day--"

"You don't think I would?" It was the closest they'd come to a fight--a real one and not something made up so they could knock each other about for fun. Sirius, surprised by how much James' words hurt, decided right then that he didn't much like growing up. "We're going for a walk."

"Do you want us to come with you?"

"No. You can just stay with Lily and Dorcas and whoever else you've conned into believing that you're so grown up now that you couldn't possibly have turned the whole dungeon into a swamp just last week because you were bored. We'll be back in time for dinner."

**Saturday night, late late late...**

It was hot in front of the fire and James was sweating a bit as he held a hot and sweating Remus. Sirius and Peter were asleep and James wished he was, too, because he hated feeling this helpless. Remus was sick. They hadn't thought about it being a full moon in a few days, and he was beginning to doubt that Professor McGonagall or the extremely harried Madame Pomfrey had either. It turned out that Severus was an incredibly disagreeable child, demanding much of his nurse's attention to be entertained and not wanting to play with Remus at all when Remus went to her when they all had class.

Remus, however, was much like he was at seventeen as he was as a toddler--quiet, patient, but given to laughing when coaxed into it, which was easier in his current state. James supposed that was because Remus didn't remember he was a werewolf, and James would give anything to keep it that way. For a while, he'd hope that maybe Remus wouldn't turn this time since he was clearly younger than he had been when he was first bit. When he'd woke to Remus' whimpering, he knew it had been too much to hope for.

Footsteps on the stair made James turn and he saw that it was Sirius. "I tried not to wake you."

"I got up to check on him and found the bed empty."

"I think he's sick."

"The moon?"

James nodded and Remus, hearing Sirius' voice, opened his eyes and mouth, his hiccoughing quickly turning into tears. Sirius took him from James and walked with him back and forth in front of the fire, rubbing his back, before he sat back down next to James. Remus squirmed until he was settled against Sirius' chest, his thumb in his mouth.

"I'm sorry, Sirius," James said quietly, once Remus was dozing again. "About yesterday."

"It's okay. It's not like I didn't help with the swamp thing. Or that I actually even want to have kids of my own. I hate to think of how happy that would make my mother."

"You'd still make a good dad. I'd trust you with my own, at least."

"The imaginary ones you're having with Evans?"

"Exactly." James cleared his throat and they both looked away, laughing a bit. If that had been their first fight, then that had been their first apology, and how weird was that? James hoped they would never have to go through the ordeal again. "What does the book say?" he asked, just to change the subject.

"The book's rubbish, James."

"I know. Unlikely to tell us what to do with a baby werewolf, anyway. " 

Sirius bent his head and nuzzled his nose against Remus' soft curls. "Maybe we should take him to Madame Pomfrey."

"She'll find out we know about him."

"She's got to know we know. She just pretends we don't to protect him, I guess."

"Well, we could just tell her we think he's sick."

Sirius stroked his hand over Remus' sweaty head. "What are we going to do tomorrow? What do you think will happen later?"

"I don't know," James said, but he was afraid he knew exactly what would happen.

**Sunday night, which unfortunately was also a full moon night...**

Sirius hated that "later" came so quickly. He'd hoped that the potion would have worn off by now, or that maybe Remus would have grown a bit each day. He'd initially been sent away when he and James had taken Remus to the infirmary, but Remus wouldn't be consoled without his stuffed dog and without his "Sir'us". When Sirius had been sent away the last time, he knew it was because Madame Pomfrey had to take Remus to the Shack. They'd left immediately, him and James and Peter, hidden beneath the cloak though Peter had had to change into Wormtail to make them all fit.

Madame Pomfrey had stayed as long as she dared, crying herself as she left and locked him in, his cries for "Sir'us" and "James" echoing throughout all the rooms. They waited only a moment to be sure she was gone before Sirius was dashing down the stairs and picked Remus up. By the time James and Peter were there, Remus was snuffling in Sirius' arms, wrapped in Sirius' cloak. His face was red and streaked with tears, his lip jutting out in a pout as he rested his head on Sirius' shoulder. Sirius was letting Remus play with his wand, and weak, red sparks shot out the end as he clumsily waved it back and forth.

"Is he alright?" James asked.

"Yeah, I think so. Just scared."

James stood next to Sirius and rubbed Remus' back, making funny faces at him. Remus pointed the wand at James' hair, making it change colors with each tap until his tears finally stopped and he gave a little laugh with each new color.

"It's nearly time," Peter said, and both James and Sirius nodded.

"Do you want to see Padfoot?" James asked and Remus nodded. Sirius kissed Remus' cheek and then gave him to James so that he could transform, still earning claps from Remus. James sat on the floor with Remus in his lap and showed Remus how to pet Padfoot's fur nicely without pulling.

"What are we going to do?" Peter finally asked.

"This for now."

"And when the moon rises? There's just a few minutes left."

"I know. You stay here, and I'll go into the other room. He was afraid of Prongs last time I changed." James stroked his hand over Remus' hair and then helped him stand when he wanted to wrap his tiny arms around Padfoot's neck.

"I don't know what to do with him," Peter said.

"Just wait until the last minute to change so he's not alone. Padfoot'll be here." They both look to where Padfoot sat watching them.

"What happens if he's like this always?"

"He won't be, Peter."

"But what if he is?"

"Then we'll take care of him."

"How?"

"I don't know, Peter, but he doesn't have anyone else but us."

"Like Padfoot."

"Padfoot has us. He has Remus." James stroked his hand over Remus' curls again, and then scratched Padfoot behind his ears. "We'll always have each other, yeah?"

**Monday afternoon, in the infirmary...**

"How much do you remember?" It was James who asked, though Sirius wanted to know, too.

"Some," Remus said. "Enough, I think, to know what big saps you two really are."

"Well, you were adorable, especially when you'd announce that you had to boom boom."

"I didn't." Remus groaned and covered his face with his hands.

"You did--loudly and on more than one occasion."

"What about Severus?"

"He's just as disagreeable a child as he is normally."

"I meant--"

"I know what you meant. He's fine. Back to normal, unfortunately." James stood then and patted Remus' hand. "I'm glad you're back."

"Thanks, James."

"I'm even happier that Lily's decided that I mustn't be completely useless and has agreed to go out with me. I owe you for that."

Sirius and Remus watched as James left them, his hands jammed into his pockets as he whistled quite out of tune but happily nonetheless.

"Are you okay?" Sirius asked. The transformation had been awful to watch and Sirius couldn't quite shake the memory of it, though when the wolf had transformed for the second time, it was to a restored Remus.

"Fine. Tired." Remus plucked at a loose thread on the sheet that covered him. "Thank you, too, Sirius. I do remember everything that happened--that it was you who saved me from my Great Aunt Romolda and saved me from Dorcas, though I did rather like when she hugged me."

"Dorcas Meadowes?"

"She smelled nice and was very--" Remus held his hands over his chest, imitating breasts, before letting them fall back onto the bed. "Soft."

"Keen on Peter, apparently. She's agreed to go to Hogsmeade with him this weekend."

"Yes. Well." Remus squirmed a bit, his hand rubbing at his neck before he managed to look at Sirius and smile. "I just wanted to, you know, say thanks."

Sirius nodded and stared down at his clasped hands for a moment before he stood, too. On impulse he leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to Remus' forehead and ran his fingers through his hair one more time before leaving quickly. Not that he'd admit it aloud, but at least to himself, he had to acknowledge it had been one of his better pranks, even if it really hadn't gone the way he thought it would. He was glad for it, in a strange way, even if he only meant to cause a little explosion. It was good to know that growing up wouldn't hurt as much as he thought it might.


End file.
